i am absolutely tormented by the hideousness of this reality. i've never been concerned with the fact that time never stops - that at every moment we are going somewhere and that this is completely beyond our control. but that's only because before this moment, i have never had to think of myself as old. as long as you're a teenager, you are far far away from old age. as soon as you turn twenty, it's like you're on an accelerated road taking further and further away from "youth".
i don't want to turn twenty. and yet every time at the clock i am closer and closer to exactly that.
of course, time itself isn't actually real. it's completely constructed. seconds, minutes, hours were all invented in order to make life easier for us all. i could invent a completely new way to measure time, and if everyone else agreed to follow it, then i might never have to turn twenty at all. one day i would drop dead and that would be the end of that.
i would have lived life without worrying about clocks ticking and birthdays passing.
goodbye teens, and an extremely hesitant hello to the twenties.
